Silver Death

A Nightmare and A Chat

It was Winters turn to have a nightmare.

He was flinching and talking in his sleep. What he normally mutters could scare anyone that knows what he's been through, and could make anyone who doesn't crap their shorts.

Tonight's scariest line: "попрошайничество для вашей жизни не делает для меня гребаной разницы." Begging for your life doesn't make a f*cking difference to me.
When I fall asleep for and hour it isn't very restful. It was at least two in the morning when I slid Winter over to the wall and laid down.

I am woken by a metal hand closing around my neck choking me.

Since he's asleep while doing this and trying to wake him proves not to be easy, I revert to hitting his face and warming my hands as I do it.

When the grip releases slightly I start yelling his name and anything that I have called him over the years that I can remember.
"Winter! Soldier? James! Jamsey?! Bucky, Buchanan!"

I can faintly hear someone running up the stairs leading from the basement, only for them to cuss when they run into the closed bedroom door.
When the door opens Captain runs in and helps wake Winter up.

When he wakes up his hand is still around my neck and my face is red.
"Silver! I'm sorry I-I didn't mean to!"
"It fine Winter! It was a nightmare, everyone has them. I know you have them, you had them while we were still in the facility. You didn't hurt me, I'm fine. Are you?"
"No I hurt you. I know I did, otherwise Steve wouldn't be standing there."

I had forgotten that Captain was there. "I was just having a bit of a hard time waking you up. You didn't respond to any of your names. So Captain came to help me."
"It was that bad then?"
"No it wasn't to bad on this end. What happened on your end?"
"Someone was begging for their life. I told them it didn't matter, then I started choking him."
"Do you know who it was?"
"No. Just some face. Some mission."
"That's okay Buck. You don't need to know the name. All that matters is that your safe now."
"But are any of you?"
"Yes we are. And you wanna know how I know?"
"Silver what are you talking about?"
"You are my safe place. Wherever you are is safe for me. If anyone here was going to go on a killing spree here it would either be me or Banner. And it wouldn't even be Banner. It would be the other guy. YOU are not going to hurt anyone here. You are safe and so are the rest of us."
Winter doesn't say anything he just gets up and goes downstairs.
"Captain go follow him. Make sure he's okay."
"I'm more worried about you ri-"
"Don't. I don't need to be worried about. He won't want to see me right now, so you need to go make sure he's okay."
"Okay. But I'm going to be checking in on you when he gets calmed down."
"But not until."
He nods and leaves the room. I can hear muffled talking but I can't make out any words.
Since Winter and I have been sharing a bed and he's a human heater I have been sleeping in shorts and a tank top, and am now cold.

While I was thinking about little nothing's I missed the footsteps leading up the stairs and across the kitchen. When Captain knocks I visibly jump.

"Buck decided that he's gonna take my spot on the couch. He doesn't want to risk hurting you again. I'm going to crash in the chair in the living room if that's okay?"
"He should know that he didn't hurt me. He just scared me."
"He doesn't see it that way. Good night."
"Hey um Captain. I'm used to someone in here with me. Would you mind?"
A confused look is plastered on his face "Mind what?" I slide over so my feet are hanging over the side of the bed and pat beside me. When he realizes what I want him to do his face goes bright red but he ventures into the room and climbs into the bed.

"Thank you. I really don't want Winter to be afraid that he hurt me."
"I'm sure he's fine. You should lay down and sleep."
As I laid down I watched the Captain who is laying on his back. When he feels my eyes on him his head turns.
"What you staring at?"
"You. When Winter had a bad nightmare when we were in the facility he would sometimes wake up and mutter for Steve. When I asked about it he said he didn't know who Steve was. You were a big part of his past, and you need to be in his future to keep him happy."
"Your making it sound as if you won't be."
"That's because I might not be."
Even though I know I won't be considering the fact that as soon as they are ready to leave I am going to disappear again and for good I want to give him hope.
"Why wouldn't you be?"
"I might disappear again. There are bad times when I disappear to Russia, and Germany area. I go to the graves of people I have killed."
"Would that help Buck come to terms with the past?"
"It would make things worse, he doesn't remember most of his kills. So taking him to graves wouldn't help, it would hurt."
"Do you know all your kills? Or just the number?"
"I know the faces and can put a name to most of them. I was never wiped like Winter. I remember the training he put me through and the bad nights we had.
But I know how much he cared for me."
"You remember everything?"
"Yes. Some things are fuzzy from age but for the most part."
"Do you remember when you were a little girl?"
"No those memories disappeared with time. By the time I was 5 years old I was known as 'the little girl' or 'small soldier' so I never really grew up as a child, but as a killer."
"Oh. Buck's different though. He has memories from our childhood."
"I'm not saying that he doesn't. He just needs help remembering them, get Wanda to go through his mind and pick out memories. Then have her cross check them with yours, and show Winter some."
"That's pretty smart. How'd you think of that?"
"I want him to get better. He needs to know he was more then just The Soldier. He needs to know that he is more than The Soldier."
Captain just looks at me. He slowly rolled over and put his arms around my waist attempting to hug me.
"Thank you for helping us. And for helping him keep some sanity while he was there."
"I'm just paying a debt. He kept me safe while we were there and he trained me. I can at least help him and his team."
"You could be part of the team."
"No I can't be," rolling over while still in his arms "but it's nice to know that at least two of the Avengers trust me."
"Of course we trust you. We are staying here are we not?"
"I suppose but I highly doubt you all do. Good night Captain."
"Good night Silver."

He didn't move his arms witch made me oddly happy but afraid that I was altering his emotions making him like me. While laying in Captains arms I feel rather safe. Not as safe as if Winter was with me but at least partly safe. When I know that he's fully asleep I turn once again to face him.

"Thank you Steve, if Winter trusts you then I will too. When I leave for good you will have to keep him safe and not let him look for me. I am a time bomb ready to explode. I don't want James or any of you not even Tony near me when that happens."

When I finish talking to a sleeping Steve I put my head against his chest and try to sleep.

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